whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
