Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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