I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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