I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
