a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
