and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
