ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
