people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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