babies were throwing up all over the place
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
