yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
