Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
