Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
