what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
