you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
