This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
