in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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