After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
