She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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