Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
