I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My liver just had a heart attack.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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