My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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