also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
