Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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