What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
