I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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