I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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