i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
