Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You brought string cheese to the strip club
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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