I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
