Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I am naked and annoyed.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
