Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
