The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
