i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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