Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
