If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
