i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
