I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
