Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
