I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
