You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
