My Higher Power is John Stamos
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
