the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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