we're chasing vodka with high fives
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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