Betty ford says i'm here all night
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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