I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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