Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
pray to the hookup gods
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
