I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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