where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
