the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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