I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
